I'm excited to be starting this! is it sad I don't want any followers or friends on here? I know this is the internet and everything is "public" but I kind of like having this to myself, and besides I've been dying to type out my words somewhere!
I want to start off quick by asking myself why i'm so selfish!? I have absolutely nothing to complain about much less worry about and all I can do is be anxious about every little thing. I blame God some days! sorry God I love you, but seriously why did I come on this earth with so many damn feelings; I would kill someone if I had the chance to "turn off" my emotions like Elena Gilbert played by Nina Dobrev in the Vampire Diaries. I want to not care! I want to not give a damn about what I'm wearing and how I'm going to wear it, I want to not give a damn about how I look, or if he is going to text me today or ask me to hang out, or if my hair is to short or if I'm going to get this role or or or, this shit I obsess about is embarrassing, I'm a lousy human being, my cat can act like a better human than I can. She blatantly doesn't give a fuck...oh I envy her. I read about these stories of homeless people who save every penny they obtain from the streets and still donate it to the poor and homeless, i'm like dude! your one of those poor and homeless people and yet their hearts refuse to take a single penny . That kind of humility makes me want to quit my pursuit of an acting career and go live on a street; give ALL my money away and be humble. I want to be a good person, doesn't everyone? But taking the actions to become one is next to impossible most believe, I think you just need some character. Character is what you do when no one is watching! when you have nothing to prove to anyone, not even yourself. When you figure it out...figure out that you don't have a single thing to prove and that u just want to do something good because you feel it necessary, you are a good person. Im ranting now, I could type for centuries about these things, along with men and "their devil penis magic!" (pinterest) and world ecological views, and animals, and love, and God...etc... I'll definitely pick ONE topic next time.
But like I said this is for me, I need this, I need to get all this out somehow..and if a reader happens on these posts, so be it. :) im gonna try and stop giving a fuck!
I love you Lord! (excuse my French in the last line).
Always
Als
